What My “Leisure Lab” Is Teaching Me About Being a Hyper-Achiever

I have an addiction.

And it’s not what you think.

I’m addicted to busy.

To doing.

To accomplishing.

I walk fast. I talk fast. I think fast.

Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that if I could just squeeze one more thing into the day, I’d finally feel caught up.

The problem is, that day never comes.

I’ve said I was going to slow down every summer for the last three years.

Three summers. Three failures.

Every year, I tell myself this will be the one. The one where I work a little less. Read a little more. Sit on the porch. Wander through my mom’s garden. Take longer walks. Enjoy the season instead of racing through it.

And every year, somehow, I end up exactly where I started.

Busy.

So this summer, I decided to stop making promises to myself and start running an experiment instead.

I’m calling it my Leisure Lab.

No program. No curriculum. No five-step plan.

Just a willingness to get uncomfortable and honestly document what happens when a lifelong hyper-achiever tries to slow down.

I thought this experiment was going to teach me how to rest.

Instead, it’s teaching me something much deeper.

I realized I don’t actually know what leisure is.

Before I could even begin, I had to answer a question that surprised me:

What is leisure?

Honestly?

I had no idea.

I realized I had a lot of baggage around that word.

Leisure felt lazy. Entitled. Unproductive.

I pictured someone lounging around all day with nowhere to be and nothing to contribute—not exactly something most high-achievers aspire to.

But the definition I came across completely changed my perspective.

Leisure isn’t a block of time.

It’s a state of being.

Being fully present. Inwardly calm. Completely yourself. Doing something simply for the joy of it, with no agenda and no outcome to chase.

That hit me harder than I expected.

Because somewhere along the way, I stopped doing things simply because I enjoyed them.

Everything had become productive. Useful. Efficient.

Even my downtime usually had a purpose.

Then I discovered a belief I didn’t know I was carrying.

One morning, I decided to try something radical.

Instead of tackling my to-do list first and hoping there would be time to relax later,

I flipped it.

Leisure first.

To-do list second.

My hyper-achiever was not impressed.

It felt uncomfortable.

Almost wrong.

And that’s when I realized I’d been operating under a belief I never consciously agreed to: Rest has to be earned.

Somehow, I’d decided that stillness was a reward you receive after you’ve finished everything else.

Except…

When is everything ever finished?

How many of us live by the unspoken rule:

Once I finish this project…

Once work slows down…

Once the kids are older…

Once I answer these emails…

Then I’ll rest.

It’s such a familiar pattern that we rarely question it.

We just assume it’s true.

But what if it isn’t?

What if it’s simply a belief that’s been quietly running the show?

Because beliefs can be rewired.

I also learned you can’t trick your nervous system.

One day during the experiment, I spent two hours rage-cleaning my house.

The house looked fantastic.

I did not.

I was still prickly. Still restless. Still carrying the same frenetic energy I’d started with.

That’s when I realized something else:

I can’t access a true leisure state if I haven’t first cleared my energy.

The body knows.

It can’t be tricked.

Neither can my nervous system.

As someone who coaches women on mindset and inner leadership, I found that fascinating—and humbling.

I know this work.

I teach this work.

And apparently, I still have plenty to learn myself.

The biggest surprise so far?

I don’t think I actually need to do less.

This one stopped me in my tracks.

During a coaching conversation, I realized I’d been living inside another belief I didn’t even know I had.

Somewhere along the way, I decided that doing and being were opposites.

That if I wanted to become more present, more grounded, more joyful…

I had to stop doing.

The funny part?

I tell my clients to live in the “and” all the time.

Apparently, I needed someone to hold up the mirror.

The truth is, I don’t think the work is stopping the doing.

I think the work is changing the energy behind the doing.

There’s a huge difference between busy and presence.

Busy feels anxious.

Urgent.

Frenetic.

Heavy.

Presence feels entirely different.

It’s possible to answer emails while actually being present.

To coach while fully engaged.

To work without carrying the constant pressure to prove yourself.

I’m starting to think that’s where joy actually lives.

Not in escaping life…

But in being fully present for it.

One word changed everything.

Here’s one of the simplest experiments I’ve tried so far.

Whenever I catch myself saying: “I have to…” I replace it with: “I get to…”

Same to-do list.

Same responsibilities.

Completely different experience.

Doing wrapped in “should” and “have to” feels heavy.

Doing from the energy of choice feels lighter.

Maybe even fun.

I’m still experimenting with this one.

But it’s amazing what one small shift in language can do.

This experiment is becoming something I didn’t expect.

I thought I was trying to learn how to slow down.

Now, I think I’m learning something much bigger.

I’m learning to notice.

To notice the beliefs I never questioned.

To notice the stories running quietly in the background.

To notice how often I’ve tied my worth to my productivity without even realizing it.

In my work, I often say that awareness isn’t failure.

It’s data.

You can’t change a pattern you can’t see.

And this experiment has helped me see patterns I didn’t even know were there.

The goal isn’t becoming less ambitious.

I still love creating.

I still love building.

I still love coaching.

I still love checking things off a list.

I don’t want to stop achieving.

I just don’t want my happiness, my peace, or my sense of worth riding shotgun with my to-do list anymore.

I’m only partway through this experiment, and I have a feeling it’s going to keep teaching me things I didn’t expect.

So, stay tuned.

There’s more to uncover.

If this sounds familiar…

If relaxing feels strangely uncomfortable…

If your mood rises and falls with your productivity…

If slowing down feels harder than speeding up…

If you’ve ever wondered why your brain seems incapable of simply being…

You might not have a time-management problem.

You might have a hyper-achiever running the show.

That’s exactly why I created Break Up with Your Hyper-Achiever.

Inside this five-day mini course, we go much deeper into the hidden beliefs, nervous system patterns, and identity shifts that keep high-achievers stuck chasing the next accomplishment instead of actually enjoying the life they’re working so hard to build.

And if you’re curious to see how this little Leisure Lab experiment unfolds, I’m sharing the real-time wins, resistance, setbacks, and surprising discoveries over on Instagram each day.

I’d love to have you follow along.